I spent a few nights last week reading the Watchmen graphic novel, and watched the movie last night…and I was pretty impressed.  A bunch of my friends commented that it looked great but was hard to follow.  I’d have to agree.  The book was a bit tough to make sense of, and the movie which obviously had to cut out some parts to have it come in at less than 12 hours was even worse.  When you put the 2 together, however, you got a  good gist of what they were trying to say.  But I feel ya.

Put short -  I liked it.  Neat story. Really Smart Anti-hero premise.  Pretty Deep.  

 - But what really got me thinking, and then laughing, has to do with Dr. Manhattan’s computer generated penis.   

The Evolution of my Taste… 

Before we begin the discussion of the blue mans package,  let me give you some back-story.

Over the last few months I have been watching a lot of Anime stuff.  I really don’t know crap about the genre, or Manga, or any of that shit, but I have to tell you, it rocks.  At this point I am pretty bored with American movies for the most part.  I truthfully think that about 90% of ‘em are crap and I really have to be in the right mood to watch a movie without wanting to walk out or turn it off after about 15 minutes. 

I’m not a movie snob by any means.  I just figure stuff out pretty quick and if I think I know how it is going to turn out, you can kind of see every thing coming.   I HATE the fact that I figured out Sixth Sense about 15 minutes in.  I just said to myself, he’s dead…that’s why this shit is happening.  Sure enough, in the last 5 minutes of the film, it’s revealed.  The entire audience went silent and then there was this huge collective “Gasp!”  - And I’m thinking, “Fuck, I wish I could do that!” 

Whatever. 

So, in my boredom of something different to understand, I started watching the “Ghost in the Shell - Stand Alone Complex” on Netflix instant.   My motives were purely guy stuff. Hot chick, cool animation and robots.  But on the first episode, they got in to some REALLY heavy shit about the nature of what it means to have a soul, abuse of power, religion, and a lot more.  I’m thinking “Holy Fuck! This is not a kids cartoon.  This is not the passive, sit there and let us entertain you with shiny pictures crap. 

Needless to say, I was hooked pretty fast.  I’ve now seen all the Ghost in the Shell movies and TV series.  If you like a little intellectual stimulation with your action and boobies, you definitely have to check them out.  I’ve moved on to some other similar stuff like Appleseed, and Akira, but still not as impressed as with the GITS stuff.

So, on to the actual purpose of this article… 

While I was watching the Watchmen movie, I couldn’t figure out (and still can’t) if Dr. Manhattan was live action, CG, or motion capture.  I think it was probably a combination of the 3, but it was so masterfully done I couldn’t tell which was which.  I’ll probably end up buying the movie on BluRay when it comes out, but until then, you just can’t tell. 

The next point is that Watchmen has probably the most gratuitious male full frontal nudity I have seen in a mainstream movie.  Not in a porn way, but if you get the Dr. Manhattan character, you realize that he really doesn’t connect with people, does not see himself as human, and really doesn’t bother to think about the necessity to comply with the norms of humans. Thus, fuck the pants.  It’s an important part of the story and the character.  I’m glad they did it and didn’t bow out to the censors who I am sure were up their asses about it. 

What got me thinking, and eventually cracking up was this: 

Assuming at least some of the Dr. Manhattan character was computer generated, there was an actual-living-person that was in charge of animating Dr. Manhattans penis. 

In addition, these discussions, by necessity, had to have taken place: 

1. How big do we make Dr. Manhattans Penis
   1. what is the appropriate length and girth for a superhero?
2. What animation mechanics need to be in place to animate Dr. Manhattans Penis to make it appear “lifelike”
3. What mathematical models are required to simulate the effect of gravity, friction, and weather effects on Dr. Manhattan’s penis vis-à-vis interaction with his body and the environment?
4. Does Dr. Manhattan have balls?
   1. Will they require separate animation mechanics and mathematical models?
5. How much budget and manpower to spend on Dr. Manhattans computer generated penis.
6. What reference material will animators need to ensure that when Dr. Manhattan moves, his penis will move in a realistic fashion?

I assure you, these discussions HAD to have taken place at some point. I can only hope that there was at least one hardcore feminist, censor, old person, gay person, or PC Nazi in the room for each of those discussions.  That would have made it just hilarious. 

So in conclusion… 

As you can now see, it is hard for me to sit through many movies.  If I am not constantly engaged, this is how my mind works.  The Watchmen was a pretty good movie, so I didn’t really start thinking about this crap until after it was over….but in most movies, my mind just starts to wander off on related tangents. 

…oh I wish I could find sitcoms entertaining…. 

JJ

And a funny related video

Find more videos like this on The Spill.com Movie Community

 PS. Upon reading this again, it really does sound like I am a snob and look down on people who are entertained by “Family Matters”  I am really not.  My wife LOVES that crap and I don’t see her as any less intelligent than I.  She just likes to let her brain veg sometimes, I don’t.  (Obviously a sign that I don’t think hard enough when I am supposed to be doing something “important”)

I think it’s just how my brain works.  I don’t envy you for being entertained by what I think is lame…it gives me more time to do other stuff. - But I don’t criticize you for it either.   If I’m bored, my brain is gonna wander anyway.  I might as well try to have fun in the process.

 Now if I could only find movie with a large-breasted antihero in a thong bodysuit talking about the implications of technology and religion on the human condition…all while telling fart jokes, blowing up shit, and singing original songs that contain references to dirty slang words for the male and female anatomy….I would finally be engaged.