I’m not the emotional type.  I don’t have some stifled macho sense that it’s not manly. I’m just ruled by logic for the most part.  I still prefer to hug over shaking hands, I’m not afraid to cry at a movie (tho it happens very rarely except for Marley and Me which made me a basket case) and I have no problems telling and showing someone I love them. 

I don’t see it as a particularly good or bad thing, it just is.  Although, it does come in pretty handy in confrontations where most people get scared or pissed or teary.  I just plow through and get my way :) 

The reason I am sharing this fact with you is because I am woefully, painfully, homesick.  Me. Mr. Logic, who in my life has moved 8 times and in 6 states in the course of 5 years.  I’ve NEVER been homesick.  I actually like to move.  To me moving to a new place is usually a chance at a do-over and a new adventure.  But this time it is different.  And I can’t figure out why.  

The Family 

This one is clearly not an explanation for me.  Other than a short stint when the missus and I lived with my mom and step-dad for 6 months while looking for a job after  grad school, I haven’t lived anywhere  near my parents since I was 17.  I love my parents dearly and unlike many, really have no problems living with  them.  I’m just a pretty independent person, and most definitely not the kind of guy that needs the “mommy” type around. In addition, I don’t have a very close family.  No picnics with 20-odd people sharing the same last name and vague resemblances. 

The Friends 

I thought this might be it.  I’ve amassed a fair number of really good friends during my stay in Gainesville.    My friends are almost all musicians, we have a lot in common, and above that, they are all just really good people.  My wife who is usually somewhat introverted (until you know her…then she’s a freak) even has lots of friends around.  It might be due to the fact that she has been in approximately 19 different “class of” years at UF.  It might also be that people there are just cooler. 

What made me realize friends are not the only cause of my homesickness is that almost all of them have moved away.  We still keep in touch regularly and get together for the occasional gig, but its not on a weekly basis.

The Location 

This might be part of it too.  In my 7 years in Florida, I can honestly say that I am, and was born to be, a southerner.  Everything about it suits me.  Sunshine all the time, warm so no need to bundle up with 58 layers, a bit slower pace, better drivers, and in general nicer, friendlier, polite people.  Down here you can look a stranger in the eye and smile or say hi.  I like that.  Try that one in NYC.  If you do, 1 of 3 things will happen.  A. They will mug or shoot you  B.  They think YOU will mug or shoot them. C. They will completely and utterly ignore you.   Sadly, that is not a joke.  In addition, in many of the more affluent areas up north, people act as if they are entitled to something..   As if a Mercedes gives someone the right to cut you off in traffic, be rude to you, or otherwise treat you like a glob of gum on their shoe.  This may happen in some areas of the south (Boca) but not where I usually live.  I grew up poor, and while I would probably be considered well-to-do by most standards, I still see myself as a blue collar type guy, and treat people as equals (Even if I know I am better…which I usually am : )

The cool thing about Gainesville is that it is a college town.  Most of downtown caters to younger people.  What makes it awesome is that 10 minutes away is suburbia where I live.  Big private lots, kids running around, never have to worry about locking your door.   For someone in their mid 30’s and in many ways still sees himself in his early 20’s, it’s pretty bad ass.

The House 

Again, this may be part of it, but not all of it.  I love the house in Gainesville.  Nice pool, huge bright office, plenty of space, and through years of love, it has everything I need.  It’s not the nicest house I have ever owned…not by a long shot.  My place in CT was almost 4000 sq ft, had marble an hardwood floors and cost literally 5 times more than my place in FL.  I think I still like the FL house better.  Might be the memories. Who knows.

The Job 

Again, not it.  When I first started with my MBA and full of piss and vinegar to reach the “good life” with the corner office and fancy title, it might have been it, but it certainly is not now.   After reaching the top floor and placing my feet upon my cherry desk as I dictated a memo to my secretary, I realized that all I was buying myself was a set of golden handcuffs.  A huge mortgage, a 2 hour daily commute, and a life leading me to be a 50 y.o. CEO, most likely pulling in $1M+ a year, but hating his life, hating his wife, and knowing nothing about his kids. 

Now I think I am a bit more balanced (probably too balanced in the other direction…lol)  It’s still very important for me to love what I do.  Otherwise I just cant force myself to get up in the morning and go to work.  But now I do it in shorter intervals and really have no commitment to it.  Life comes first. Job second.  Toys are just toys. Italian marble floors impress visitors, but trust me, on a daily basis, they make absolutely no difference.

So WTF is it? 

I was hoping that in the course of writing this article, I would figure out exactly what it was that was making me homesick.  I’m ADD like that.  Things have an answer…and I need to know that answer.  I guess I am not as adept at psychology as I would like to think I am.  Either that or the lens of perception that I look through to see other people just shows guts and gook when focused inward.  (Eww. Sorry, just made myself throw up a little.) 

But I don’t.  Sarasota is nice enough.  Not quite as much to do downtown, people are a little more uppity (but many of the people I have met …cable guy, Verizon dude, plumber guy, have all been outstanding) and it’s a lot more humid and sticky, but still a giant improvement over up north.  The rental kinda sucks, but is getting better. 

I still talk to my friends at least as often as I ever did and being and additional 3 hours away from my family is still a non-issue.

The Plan 

For me, there is always a plan.  And a plan B and C.  This plan is to just wait….and wait.  Everybody is telling me time will make it better.  Since I have no other suggestion, that’s what I’m gonna do.  I’m gonna grab my guitar, hit up a couple of jam nights, try to get some work project going, and then wait.  I still refer to a trip to Gainesville as going “home. ” I’ve come to realize that maybe once I think of Sarasota as home, it will begin to feel like home. 

I’m a tough fucker. My wife is also homesick and has just started her doctorly career, so she has enough drama on her plate.  The last thing she needs is a fat guy moping around the living room in dirty boxers (and if there is, I’ll beat the shit out of him, cause he’s not me…almost 50 lbs down, so now I’m just “thick”.  Go me!) 

Anyway, thanks for listening.  The self-therapy at least put a smile on my face.  Usually that type of therapy requires KY jelly and an avocado rind, but I decided to just write…keeps the keyboard less sticky. 

Be cool.  I’ll let you know how it turns out.   I’m gonna go watch Marley and Me… lol. I’m such a girl.

JJ 

PS. Since I realize that this isn’t the funniest of stories to be posting on a humor blog, here’s a joke I heard that made me laugh.

A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says “But sir, it’s just a sperm bank!” 

 ”I don’t care, open it now!!!” He replies.  

So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says “Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!”, she looks at him “BUT, they are sperm samples???”  ”DO IT!” he orders. 

So the nurse sucks it back. “That one there, drink that one as well.”, so the nurse drinks that one as well.  

Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, “See honey - it’s not that hard.”

lol